Student to Student

Surviving Is Enough

Lauren Benotti, UMASS-Amherst

On paper, I must have seemed like the perfect study abroad candidate. Not unlike most students who study abroad, I have always been a good student, accustomed to success. That's why when I first arrived in Spain and found myself lost on campus, confused by the language, and scared of not being able to relate to Spaniards, I wasn't sure how to handle it. I remember thinking, "How did I become a failure so quickly?"

The first day on campus I tried to find out where everything was and who everyone was: I just wanted to feel like I felt at home --but in Spain. Needless to say, it just wasn't going to work that way. When you're in a new country or culture and dealing with people who speak a different language the easiest things suddenly become difficult and you have to work at everything. It would have been nice to know that all I had to do was simply function once I was there: never mind being the well-rounded American student I once was. I was so used to being in charge of my life and knowing what to expect at all times that this new uncertainty really threw me off guard. I wish someone had told me that I didn't have to triumph overseas, I just had to survive.

Sometimes the same things aren't as important over there as they are here. So you can't leave the U.S. with an agenda or a to-do list. Although it's nice to set goals for yourself abroad, when you find that these expectations are impossible to live up to, you may become unhappy and discouraged. Keep in mind that you're a brave and independent person just for taking the initiative to spend an extended amount of time in a new country. Those who can set aside the old and familiar to make room for the new and different in their lives deserve to be congratulated. Forget about getting straight As, making loads of new friends, and seeing every sight in your new country.

That leads me to another thing I wish I had known: It's normal to find yourself depressed sometimes, and it passes. The things that made me sad and homesick at night were often gone in the morning, although nothing had changed but myself. There will be times when you ask yourself why you ever decided to leave home in the first place. To this question you must confidently answer: Because I worked hard to get here and I deserve to be here.

People do change when they live in a new culture and learn to think and express themselves in another language. One of the reasons I decided to study overseas was to figure out who I am and what I am capable of doing on my own. I wanted a chance to get to know myself, aside from what others tell me they think I am. While there, I wasn't ready to change or to deal with the changed person I inevitably became. It is only now, almost two years since I came home, that I realize what culture shock really is.

Those who are planning on spending an extended period of time overseas need to be prepared for disappointment and surprise and for the positive and the negative feelings that may develop toward the new host country as well as toward the U.S. Studying abroad presents challenges unlike any that one may face at home, and it makes possible seemingly endless opportunities for accomplishment. It is a means of finding out who you are and what you are capable of becoming.

LAUREN BENOTTI attends UMASS-Amherst in the Dept. of Communication. While attending Univ. of Virginia, she spent five months in Valencia, Spain.